To lay in bed alone is not a new feeling, nor is it unfamiliar to my soul. But to lay in bed hurting while the one that should lie next to me, lays in the other room. Eyes cold and angry. Her face is masked by this mute blank stare. I can’t but help but feel sorry for her, but I will not back down. Not this time, nor ever again. I may seem child like in my expectations of a lover, but to me I want to feel whole. There are two of us sleeping here, yet still I lay here alone, just like before, before we ever met!



Image  —  Posted: July 13, 2013 in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized
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I Hold On

Posted: June 24, 2013 in Uncategorized


The summer heat is upon us and it is so hot and sticky. The days begin to warm more and more, and soon shall be unbearable to even venture from the AC. I seem to be not a day closer to comfortable, as if my life mimicked the summer heat. The days float into the next and I remain alone and beat. I dream, more now then I ever did and still my fantasies grow further away. I find the stickiness of the air makes it hard to breathe and I still can not sleep. I dream of a life way too far in the future for me to understand the path to get there. I have a vision of a woman sharing it with, but I can not see her face nor hear her speak. I know this woman exist cause I see her every night in my thoughts, she is just so mysterious and hard to capture, I end up awaking alone in the heat. I never in a lifetime wish loneliness upon a soul, not even my worst enemy, I feel it makes a person insane enough to where they begin to talk in their sleep. I lay my heavy head upon my pillow and close my weary eyes and try to rest. Maybe tonight I can put a face to her beauty cause I am already in love with her soul!

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Posted: June 16, 2013 in video
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Sometimes I wish I could play a guitar instead of write!


The air is full of spring scents, the ground is wet from the recent rain and the birds chirp the most relaxing melody. I inhale the purities of Mother Nature and hope to exhale the stress the world burdens upon me. I sit here in awe of how beautiful the world is and only wish I had someone here to bask in it with. The temperament of being alone makes me anxious and scared. I wish the world was as easy as sitting in the breeze. I watch the squirrels chase each other around and then up the tree. The birds pick through the grass as the sun is setting in the sky, it is a bluish grey from the few rogue rain clouds that straggle behind. I am fulfilled in every aspect of my life, but still I feel incomplete. It is moments like this that still make me smile!

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She stands alone, and doesn’t let anyone Near. She is amazing and she is unaware at how amazing she actually is. She battles many demons and struggles to fit in. She stands tall to the world but curls up when she’s alone. She can not allow anyone to know how weak she really is; but I can see right through her camouflage and feel her pain. Her tears she cries when no one is around and how she hides the fear with a simple smile. But it doesn’t fool me, not even for a second. She is something great something the world should stop and see, or at least she could let me in!


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Alone in the cold

Posted: May 18, 2013 in Random Thoughts

Alone in the cold.

My Heart Pumps Blood

Posted: April 23, 2013 in Random Thoughts
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My heart is not meant to love or hurt,
It’s there to pump blood
My stomach is not meant to knot like it does, when my heart hurts,
The one that pumps the blood.
My eyes are to see and not cry when my heart hurts,
Which is still, only to pump blood.
My lips are made to eat and converse, not to frown or pout when my heart hurts,
My heart, that is only there to pump blood.
My mind is to think and not remember the past and fear the future, when my heart hurts
… heart that is only supposed to pump blood!

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Posted: April 22, 2013 in Random Thoughts
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Thirty something and I am still trying to find my way. I understand now what is important and what happiness is but I don’t know how to get there. I was so ambitious through my twenties I let life slip me by. Now I chase it not understanding how to catch it. Struggling to understand why it won’t sit still.

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