To lay in bed alone is not a new feeling, nor is it unfamiliar to my soul. But to lay in bed hurting while the one that should lie next to me, lays in the other room. Eyes cold and angry. Her face is masked by this mute blank stare. I can’t but help but feel sorry for her, but I will not back down. Not this time, nor ever again. I may seem child like in my expectations of a lover, but to me I want to feel whole. There are two of us sleeping here, yet still I lay here alone, just like before, before we ever met!


The princess and the knight

Posted: September 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

So as the tide turns and our story comes to an end, the princess’s dragon was far to powerful for the young knight to tame. With a quick fatal blow the dreams he dreamt left his soul as the dragon snickered at the life dangling from his grasp. The knight said his farewell to the future and the past. With his last breathe he cried allowed. This cry was to the princess high upon her tower and not to the plea for his life. As her hand held the shiny emerald the knight gave her as a token for the laughter they shared. He hollered to her but still loud enough the world could hear, ” I love you beyond my last breath I breathe!” The scene became cold as his body fell to the sea and the princess squeezed the gem so tightly as if it was his soul. The gem that had the power to kill the most deranged beast!


Turn signals

Posted: September 18, 2013 in Rants
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Life’s decisions are hard at times, and the correct one is so hard to see. You watch details trying to understand, should I go left or should I go right? Only if life was as simple as driving a car; navigating yourself through the wreck. Only thing you can do is slow down and watch for signs. It’s hard though when these signals have led you astray in the past, when a false hope ended in a collision….I struggle with trusting something so unreliable, but yet I want to believe. The same signals have also led me to joy! If only this world was so black and white….I prayed last night and that’s hard to say since I am such an atheist. I did not pray to a god but rather to whoever listened, I just hope someone was listening!


So tonight….

Posted: September 14, 2013 in Rants
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So tonight my heart yearns yet again. This feeling is why I keep love away, this feeling is why I don’t let anyone stay. I feel lost and want to hide. To remove myself from the pain. Sometimes I wonder if I there are other ways out. Ways taboo to society but yet ways people choose to take. Yet I know my heart wrenching is painfully taken, it will not last forever. I remind myself of this and I hold my head high and weather the storm. This heart will eventually heal, it has been down this road so many times. It is not its first journey home, nor will it be it’s last…..



Image  —  Posted: July 13, 2013 in Random Thoughts, Uncategorized
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I Hold On

Posted: June 24, 2013 in Uncategorized


The summer heat is upon us and it is so hot and sticky. The days begin to warm more and more, and soon shall be unbearable to even venture from the AC. I seem to be not a day closer to comfortable, as if my life mimicked the summer heat. The days float into the next and I remain alone and beat. I dream, more now then I ever did and still my fantasies grow further away. I find the stickiness of the air makes it hard to breathe and I still can not sleep. I dream of a life way too far in the future for me to understand the path to get there. I have a vision of a woman sharing it with, but I can not see her face nor hear her speak. I know this woman exist cause I see her every night in my thoughts, she is just so mysterious and hard to capture, I end up awaking alone in the heat. I never in a lifetime wish loneliness upon a soul, not even my worst enemy, I feel it makes a person insane enough to where they begin to talk in their sleep. I lay my heavy head upon my pillow and close my weary eyes and try to rest. Maybe tonight I can put a face to her beauty cause I am already in love with her soul!

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Posted: June 16, 2013 in video
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Sometimes I wish I could play a guitar instead of write!


The air is full of spring scents, the ground is wet from the recent rain and the birds chirp the most relaxing melody. I inhale the purities of Mother Nature and hope to exhale the stress the world burdens upon me. I sit here in awe of how beautiful the world is and only wish I had someone here to bask in it with. The temperament of being alone makes me anxious and scared. I wish the world was as easy as sitting in the breeze. I watch the squirrels chase each other around and then up the tree. The birds pick through the grass as the sun is setting in the sky, it is a bluish grey from the few rogue rain clouds that straggle behind. I am fulfilled in every aspect of my life, but still I feel incomplete. It is moments like this that still make me smile!

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She stands alone, and doesn’t let anyone Near. She is amazing and she is unaware at how amazing she actually is. She battles many demons and struggles to fit in. She stands tall to the world but curls up when she’s alone. She can not allow anyone to know how weak she really is; but I can see right through her camouflage and feel her pain. Her tears she cries when no one is around and how she hides the fear with a simple smile. But it doesn’t fool me, not even for a second. She is something great something the world should stop and see, or at least she could let me in!


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